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Monday, October 8, 2007

Nighttime

It's scary driving at night. Well, let me augment that by saying it's scary driving at night when you've been driving all day and now you're in a random location in the middle of god knows where heading towards an ultimately unknown location that's 2,500 miles away from home.
I had my first moment of panic heading north on I-35 coming out of Des Moines, Iowa. The last dwindling photons of the daylight had recently been absolved and now all I could see was the oblong pattern of my headlights that shown on the dark grey surface of the road. I thought: I've been driving for twelve hours at an average speed of 70 miles an hour through four states towards a small town south of St. Paul where I might get to sleep on my sister's floor. I'm in the middle of nowhere and it would take a long time to turn around and go back to the comfort of my home. When the thought hit me my chest tightened, I could feel my face go pale, and my knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel. This feeling... I hadn't felt it in a long time. Fear.
Graduating from college last May had certainly provided me with an uneasiness, maybe even a fear, about the future: what am I going to do now, how will I pay my student loans, where will I live, etc., but what I was feeling right now was something much different. It was primal, almost. It felt so real, and I felt so alive.
Soon the feeling subsided and Jesse took over operating the machine on wheels.

After parting ways with my traveling compadre in Grand Rapids I was now alone to drive eastward.

2 comments:

Kim said...

awww...no pictures of Sam? Make sure to get one of Jake.

Z said...

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Take care.